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Smack-Off 2004
Smack-Off 2004 (a.k.a. Smack-Off X) was an event on The Jim Rome Show on April 16 2004. It was, hence, the tenth installment of the show's annual event, the Smack-Off. The show was invented by Jim Rome and show producer Travis Rodgers (T-Rodge), in 1995, in order to showcase the best callers of the year. The best caller of the day in the Smack-Off is named "King of Smack." Layout Within the three-hour program, Rome explained the concept, announced the invitees, and explained the rules. In the first hour several callers got on, after the explanation. The second hour was dedicated to calls and emails. In the third hour, the final two segments of the show were set aside to name the top ten, announce the winner, reset the winning call, and a short interview with the winner. Invitees Thirty callers were invited to participate in the Smack-Off; only invitees could participate. Rome also reiterated that not all thirty invitees would make it on to participate. The invitation does not guarantee that people would get on. Those who had previously won a Smack-Off get permanent exemptions, and all other invitees received their invitations for their reputations (such as Irie Craig) or for exceptional performance throughout the year. Those Invited due to a past winner's exemption *J.T. the Brick *Doc Mike DiTolla *Jeffrey E. DiTolla "Esquire" *Steve Carbone *Sean the Cablinasian *Silk in Huntington Beach *Jeff in Richmond Previous Smack-Off Callers Invited for Performance *Irie Craig *Trapper in Dana Point *Terrence in Sierra Madre *Iafrate *Greg in Vegas *Jeff "bumping around on a carphone" in Phoenix *Dan in D.C. *Gino in San Antonio *Jim in Fall River *Don in NoCal *Otis in Austin *Joe in the O.C. *Mike in Providence New Invitees *Rachel in Houston *Christian in K.C. *Mike in Orlando *Joe in New York City *Oliver in St. Louis *D.J. in D.C. *Casey in Vegas *Paul in Sioux City Smack-Off Program Hour One Rome opened the Smack-Off by explaining that Jeff in Phoenix had been the first caller through, and that he had requested to be the first as he wanted to be the first Smack-Off participant to go "wire-to-wire" and win from the beginning of the show. Jeff started by calling his victory, and requested to go onstage as the winner and smack on caller Bobby in Brooklyn, and then smacked on perennial second place finisher Iafrate. He made predictions about the Smack-Off, about the first-timers, Greg in Vegas and his unsavory takes, and Terrance's inability to win also. He then nailed Otis as being a weak caller, and Jeff in Vegas, claiming that Jeff in Richmond was the rich man he claimed to be. Jeff defended Barry Bonds from accusations of doping by comparing him to Shaquille O'Neal. He then "admitted" that he was the father of Joe in the OC. Jeff finished his call with rapid-fire smack predicting his lifestyle with famous winners and personalities on the show's staff, ending with a wild scream. Greg in Vegas promised not to begin with any issues concerning rape victims. He decried the United States' inability to qualifiy for the Baseball Tournament in the 2004 Olympics, naming off teams that did qualify. He then smacked on the Baseball Hall of Fame for electing mostly "white, two-legged players." and that "porn-moustaches" were over-represented, also. Greg then referenced same-sex marriages, and mused on what kind of unions they might lead to, smacking on Jeff in Richmond, Wade Boggs, and Jim in Fall River. He then implied that Steve Carbone and Brady Anderson were homosexual. He then went into his special brand of "amputation" and loss-of-limbs smack. Greg also defended Barry Bonds, but compared the size of Bonds's head to Charlie Brown's. He closed his call by referencing Calvin Murphy's penchant for impregnating an unusually high number of women: "It's a vagina, not a clown car: late." Rachel in Houston, the only woman in the Smack-Off, began by demanding that Silk repent of his previous assertion that he would not join in the show. She then went on to smack on Phil Mickelson, and his joy in winning the Masters, after not being able to win a major tournament for over ten years. She then tore up Tiger Woods and his inability to win a major tournament over the course in two years, intimating that his upcoming nuptuals were part of the problem, as well as his break with top golf instructor Butch Harmon. She then referenced the NBA Playoffs, with all of the different players' and coaches' problems, notably Kobe Bryant. She criticized him for being a ball-hog, but then admitted that the Lakers needed Kobe to win. Soon after this, Jim cut off the call, as the show was coming up on a break. Rome did say that Rachel was strong for a first-time caller. Casey in Vegas began his unusally short call by smacking on Jeff in Phoenix for reading his take and being too wired. He then smacked on women's basketball, implying that the players looked like horses. He then smacked on soccer, telling Freddy Adu that he should learn moves from women's players. He abruptly ended his call by saying "I'm flamin'; I'm out!" After the call ended, Rome told Casey that he had not been flaming and considered possibilities on why he ended his call so quickly. Oliver in St. Louis talked to the Clones, mocking them for trying to play their way in, particularly Bruno in Chicago. He then called Chicago a trash-filled, rat-ridden, drug-addicted city. He then went on to smack on Willie in KC, a regular who was in the unique position of being the only caller to be placed on a permanent ban from calling the show. Oliver implied that Willie was racist, whiney, and tasteless. He smacked on Terrence in Sierra Madre, for being a great caller, but unable to make a winning call during the Smack-Off. He was then run for pushing too much with poor quality. Terrence in Sierra Madre began by admitting that he hated the Clones and was sick of "being nice while everyone smacked on him." He then smacked on Jeff in Richmond, by accusing him of not living in Richmond, and not having a "luxury estate;" Jeff really lives "in Riverside in a trailer with a hidden meth lab. He then smacked on the Cablinasian, making fun of his pale complexion, and stated that the only reason the Cablinasian won the previous year was because he had smacked incessantly on Otis in Austin. He then bet that Otis would have been able to beat up Cablinasian. He then said that he would have won a Smack-Off if his brother hadn't poisoned him. He then told a couple jokes about some of the other participants. He then told jokes about Travis Rodgers, and smacked about baseball. Then he laid some serious smack on Jim on Fall River, with his donkey. He then finished with what Jim called the single funniest statement of the Smack-Off: "Make the world a better place: nail a mole to J-Stew's face" (a reference to staff member Jasons Stewart's mole-covered head). Jim closed out Hour One with emails. Hour Two Mike in Orlando began by thanking Jim for his invitation. He smacked on previous participants such as Doc Mike, Bobby in Brooklyn, and Cablinasian, giving various reasons why they wouldn't call. He then smacked on Chipper Jones for complaining that he wasn't getting as much credit as Derek Jeter as a shortstop. He then smacked on Phil Mickelson for being fat and not being able to jump more than a millimeter when he won the Masters. He then smacked on Christian in KC for asking if Mike liked fat women. He closed by smacking on Albuquerque when it got the Tour Stop, and Mike in Providence for inviting Jim to a mall food court if Jim would have a Providence tour stop. He added that Mike lived in a halfway house. Trapper in Dana Point spoke in an unusually subdued tone announced this his call might be last call to the show. He then smacked on the Republican Presidential Administration for the war, and for the Guantanamo Bay prisons. He decried the drug scandals in baseball and the mess of the College Football Bowl Championship Series. Claiming he was exhausted, he asked the Clones who disliked him so much if they wanted to know the truth, then hit with a sudden angry rant reminiscent of Jack Nicholson's character at the climax of A Few Good Men. He closed with his famous "tramps" statement. Joe in the O.C. thanked Rome for joining. Joe weaved a Smack-Off theme of apologies, apologizing for getting run off several times. He then named Kobe Bryant and Jayson Williams as personalities who tried to make their apologies look better by putting their wives on the platform with them when they made apologies, as well as Willie in KC for apologizing and then going on without pausing. He then smacked on people who didn't apologize, but should have (ie Gary Barnett, University of Colorado football coach; and Jeff in Phoenix). He smacked on Silk for speaking of things only Silk and Jim knew about, and for constantly talking about his surfing. He closed by demanding an apology from Jeff in Richmond for being far too predictible, implied that Jeff was gay, and called him a "serial horse-rapist." Paul in Sioux City, making a call which was weak on smack, began by thanking Jim, he mentioned that he was from Pittsburgh, praising Pittsburgh sports personailities such as Roberto Clemente and Mario Lemeiux. He smacked on Kobe for allegedly raping a woman and definitely committing adultery. He announced that wrestling was so popular that politicians campaigned on a platform that every child would wrestle. He then praised wrestler Dan Gable. He also smacked on Ernie Els for when he barely lost to Phil Mickelson in the Masters. He finished by smacking on The Lord of the Rings trilogy and praising The White Shadow. The defending champion, Sean the Cablinasian, began by stating his joy at seeing Willie in K.C.'s ban. He then announced that he was glad to see the end of the sitcom Friends. He then went after Bob Huggins, Phil Mickelson (for looking like a woman), and announced that Smack-Off calls were just good takes put together. He expounded on this by explaining his own insight on a recent Tony LaRussa call, and the ensuing thoughts, including a smack on Chris Duhon implying that he would never be in the NBA, and that he had a huge nose. He smacked on the ESPN show Dream Job, implying that those who got jobs by winning the Smack-Off have not fared well (a reference to Steve Carbone), and stating that he wanted to be have a successful job not connected to the show. He then smacked on Bobby Higginson when he (Cablinasian) and Silk had longer autograph lines than Higginson at a previous Tour Stop in Detroit. He said that no one should be begging Jim to get onto the Smack-Off. He defended his not calling the show outside of the Smack-Off a luxury to which he could avail himself due to his winner's lifetime exemption. He closed with a Boston-accented: "Do you like apples? Well, I won the Smack-Off: how do you like dem apples? AAAHHHHH!" Jim in Fall River apologized for not showing up the previous year. He said that a woman should be able to win the Smack-Off, depending on the time of the month. He mused on Joe Gibbs' rehiring, smacking on Joe in the OC and Terrence could hire Snufflupagus and Elmo from Sesame Street as their own heroes. He said that Greg in Vegas should hire a personal assistant, finally explaining Greg's obsession with amputeeism, that Greg was, in real life "just a human torso." He also smacked on Albuqueque's Tour Stop, implying that the citizens of the city were drug addicts and incestual. He smacked on Mark in Buffalo, asking that he didn't want any trouble, as Mark had threatened violence on Jim in Fall River, threatening worse violence in return. He decried athletes' ability to do whatever they wanted, saying that if Jeffrey Dahmer were an amazing athlete, his cannibalism would have been ignored. He got then got run for stating that his girlfriend had to perform a disgusting act on a farm animal, which Rome could not allow. Rome then told Jim in Fall River that he might have won had he not dropped that piece into the call. Otis in Austin never really got his call revved up, as he tried to create a story in which he was predicting an American against France, destroying the European country, in which Arnold Schwarzenegger would become President. He was run after about four minutes. Jim said he didn't like waiting for the punchline. Silk in Huntington Beach made a call supposedly from the hot tub in the front yard of a neighbor's of Travis Rodgers's house. He smacked on Joe in the OC for reading his take and Joe's claims that Silk's "walks down memory lane" were pointless. He referenced the Higginson incident. He got Tour Stop questions. He claimed the he and Cablinasian had a special hotline to the show. He said that Jim and Premiere Radio Networks' president Kraig Kitchin actually did pay for Silk's and Cablinasian's trips to Tour Stops. He also admitted that he and Cablinasian hung out with Rome between Tour Stops. He announced that he had several old-school listeners with him at the hot tub, including: Quinn the Car Fixer, Kerwin in Riverside, Screaming Mike in Vegas, Dave in Irvine, and the "cockroach from The Day After Tomorrow." (meaning "The Day After") He apologized for saying he was not going to call, and ended by praising Trapper for his take. Hour Three Irie Craig praised Jim for the most consistent Smack-Off ever. He smacked on San Diego Padres GM Kevin Towers, stating that the Padres were terrible, and that no matter how bad the Dodgers got, they'd always be better than the Padres. He then smacked on the Portland Trail Blazers for getting beat by the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Playoffs, and he predicted a Lakers championship. Irie Craig closed by trying to out-show engineer Brian Albers (a.k.a. Whitey) as a metal fan, as Whitey publicly acted as a techno fan. The original two-time winner (Cablinasian being the other) Doc Mike DiTolla came in lamenting that this year's Smack-Off got in the way of a convention he was attending. He smacked on Danny Almonte, for when he was too old to play in the Little League, and also against druggies in baseball, cheating. He smacked on Pete Rose for admitting his betting on baseball after denying it for years. He smacked on Phil Mickelson for being feminine when he won the Masters. He smacked on NASCAR for their taste for crashes and lack of "diversity," claiming that all were rednecks. He smacked on NASCAR fans not liking the new points championship, claiming that NASCAR fans didn't like math or other forms of education. He smacked on child molestation charges against the Roman Catholic priests, stating that the Boston Red Sox, the St. Louis Cardinals, and the San Diego Padres had to distance themselves from the Church because of it. He ended with "Death to Omorosa", harkening back to the annoying contestant on the show The Apprentice. Perennial second-placer Iafrate began by smacking on the recent death of former Cincinnati Reds owner Marge Schott. He claimed that Phil Mickelson's win was not inspiring to Iafrate, since he had played for ten years and not only never won until 2004, but repeatedly lost leads after the third round at previous majors. He claimed that he shared Mickelson's infamy, as he had come in second place at Smack-Off 2002 to winner Jeff in Richmond, claiming he was "an unmitigated loser" for placing behind Jeff in Richmond. He finished with a full verse of "Whitey's Dad", a song based on the song "Michael's Dad" by singer/songwriter John Niems. The final caller, Christian in KC, began by thanking Jim, and Trapper for his takes. He tried to smack on Mike in Orlando. He stabbed back on Nebraska after their response to his smack on them a couple weeks previous to the show. He told them that to experience a major league city, that they should come down to KC. He then smacked on Jeff in Richmond, claiming that Jeff said the same thing over and over again, claiming that Bob Costas would never hang with Jeff, as Jeff claimed. He claimed that Jeff was as homeless as Silk is supposed to be. He distanced himself from Willie in KC, at which point he was stopped. This ended the caller portion of the Smack-Off. Official Top Ten # Iafrate # Sean the Cablinasian # Terrence in Sierra Madre # Trapper in Dana Point # Joe in the O.C. # Greg in Vegas # Doc Mike DiTolla # Casey in Vegas # Irie Craig # Mike in Orlando See also *Smack-Off *The Jim Rome Show *Jim Rome *Smack-Off 2006 *Smack-Off 2005 Category:Jim Rome Category:Sports competitions Category:2004 in sports